On Catcher in the Rye (eventually, and briefly)
terrifyingly true things i’ve heard in the last few weeks:
“sam, i feel like every time you look at me, you’re judging me”
“sam, you said you were on your way ten minutes ago…”
“sam, i haven’t seen you smile a real smile in a really long time, you know, not one of those smiles because you’re reacting to something, but a smile… just because”
“you were a lot giddier last year”
you know that sentiment, that sentiment that says everyone has a hole in her heart? and how some try to fill that hole with money, some use friends, some use reason, some use the admiration of others, you know what i’m talking about? and how the truth is that only the Creator would know how to fix that hole, and already has?
and you know that feeling, that feeling when you’re feeling a bit crumby and you just want somebody to talk to, to coexist with, so you bring out your phone, look through your contacts list, and face the mind-numbing reality that everyone on that list falls into at least one of two groups:
- those who wouldn’t understand
- those who wouldn’t care
so you put your phone away, and you know that this is where you should be praying, but you’re too busy being Ecclesiastes 1-2 to acknowledge Ecclesiastes 5-12, so you just exist until the feeling passes?
well, i think the reason i own one-hundred copies of catcher in the rye is because no other medium i’ve found captures the essence of that hole, that feeling, that emptiness, quite like those pretty pages of self-pity.
of course, the secret to those pages of self-pity is that, by book’s end, they find themselves renewed into leaves of quiet resolve. but most people only tend to remember the self-pity, since most people have yet to notice the Holden in themselves.
most people are stuck in Ecclesiastes 1-2.
i didn’t go to class today, but in the morning, i wore my “what the faulkner?!??” t-shirt, which i got from esther. in the afternoon, i wore my “LET IT BE” t-shirt, which i got from pertz. and after soccer, after my ankle busted up, in the quiet of night, i wore my “Resolved.” t-shirt, which i got from
.
.
.
Restore unto me,
the joy of thy salvation
and renew a right spirit within me.
